Bleh

Hey guys... Not much to say tonight. I am making it..just finished day 4 of preop. It's really stormy here tonight and I started not feeling well about an hour ago. I think I am dehydrated. I am making a goal to drink at least 4 of my glasses of water tomorrow. It is about 16 ounces per glass. Anyway... Heading to bed to get some sleep since I am sure I will be up later when the storms hit our area! I can already hear the wind picking up and the dry line is still in western Oklahoma.


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Location:NW Arkansas

My Doc and the Pre-Op diet

So after two days of TORTURE...I decided to look further into the Liver Shrinking diet.  My doctor, who is wonderful but clearly has ADD, told me to follow the pre-op diet in the book (which there was none) but he did say the goal was to shrink the liver.  I looked EVERYWHERE in cyberspace for a diet plan that makes moderate since and is close to liquid only with protein emphasis as I could find.   I decided on this:

http://www.healthbase.com/resources/medical-procedures/obesity-procedures/bariatric-surgery-patients-pre-operative-indications.html

The thing that I am most interested in is the 40-50 net carbs a day MAX.  This really helps me to make sure I am in my range. 

Seeing as I normally eat a WHOLE lot more then that and live off of fried foods and Dr. Pepper's I would say the change I am making - even if there is an egg and a piece of chicken here and there is AMAZING!  I have a clear enough head to admit that now.  Yesterday...not so much.

The protein shake is getting much better.  I am adding a 1/4 teaspoon of non sweetened cocoa to them to help give them a better taste. I don't think I will have to do that forever..just while I get used to it. 

My mood - much better today :-)

Is this weekend over yet?

Holy Crap - I feel like my stomach is going to jump out of my throat and find a new owner...and honestly at this point I wish I did not have a stomach.  I don't know what is hardest...having a husband and daughter that still gets to eat (I know they have to) or that I have read all these posts on the internet about other bandsters that got to each something they actually chewed. 

The protein shakes are HORRIBLE. I have this huge stock of them and after the surgery they will be used as a smoothly base because they most definitely need some help otherwise. 

At this point I would eat anything regardless of the taste.....nothing added to canned tuna, lettuce leaves, one bite of a meat..any meat. 

Is being skinny worth this?  YES but do I need reminding?? YES!

I am making it...i am ...but I am not happy about it - or in good spirits.

The only bright side is that I don't have a headache today like I did yesterday from no caffeine. 

Maybe a big glass of crystal light will lighten my spirits...going to get some now!!

Going through Food Detox and you guys bringing me to tears!!

So today has been absolute HELL.  I started the pre-op liquid diet and it is really difficult.  The hungry part isnt as bad as the dreaming of food.  All last night I had dreams of food and when I took a nap with my little girl today I had a dream about Sonic's popcorn chicken.  These protein shakes are MISERABLE and I am pretty irritable.  To top it off, I bought all kinds of boxes of jello and they got lost. I must have left them in my buggy Friday because I was in such a hurry to get to daycare to pick of Dixie.

So - when all was expected to be lost and I would be in sorrow for the next two weeks going through what I can only describe as food detox..I get on my blog and I have 17 FOLLOWERS.  That's amazing...AND people have posted some wonderful comments including my favorite that I am beautiful.  I am still crying from seeing all the amazing support and I am so glad that LBG sent everyone my way!  I feel like I am in this awesome club now with people that get it.  Thank you all so much!

I bought a new scale that is more accurate so I am off to take my 1st day Pre-op weight and pics.  Will post later.

Good night Lapbandia!

Goals

So I am working on plans for goals..mainly for two reasons...one because I actually see that it is possible and two because I want to reward myself for fun.  :-)

I used to always have a goal with food but since learned that was not the right thing to do...DUH! So now I am thinking of completely childish things that I want to do for myself that the normal woman can and I never have....some are super stupid but hey...might as well treat yourself for a change!

Some that I have thought of so far...with no real clue where to put them....

• $1000 for new clothes
• Photo shoot of new me
• Beach vacation (this one is for when I can wear a bikini and not make everyone go blind)
• Tan in a tanning bed (always afraid to put my fat ass in there)..haha
• go public (keeping this social media quiet for a while)
• massage
• get a makeover
• night out with the girls
• mommies day out - do something all by myself.
•  

Any other ideas??

Some Before Pics

Around Dec 2007 - Engagement Pics - If I remember correctly - I weighed around 290 around this time -- thats 40 pounds lighter then I do now.

2011 - Dixie was around 7 months old I think

Sept 2011 - Weigh in at what I do now..around 330 - in all my fat faced glory

awesome arms...just freaking awesome ---bleh

Right after I had Dixie in Sept 2012 - weighed around 320 or so

Back to work after maternity leave around Nov 2010...really good angle for me..dont let it fool you though...those arms are still there..haha

around the same time...see that was just a really good angle

yep around the same time again

August 2, 2011 - Dixie's 1 year birthday party.

Its Official!

On Monday Feb 20th - The doctor said that I was approved for surgery and it is booked for MARCH 9th!  I start my liquid diet on Saturday.  I am pretty sure I am ready...I have my friends and family doing a week of "last meals" and I honestly starting to not be excited about tasting it.  I bought these Oreo cookies like two days ago and I have not ate them yet!

I am really nervous about it but excited at the same time.  More posts to come.

Tomorrows the day

In less then 12 hours I will be at my consultation.  I have tried not thinking about it but of course..its all I can think about right now!!

I am a nervous wreak.  To top it all off I am not telling my mom right now and its the first time I have kept something from her for this long since I was little.  I mean I told her I was pregnant like 10 minutes after I found out.  I feel kind of guilty but this is about me and while I love my mother - she has a tendency to make it about her and I 100% guarantee that as soon as she finds out she will discover some new amazing weight loss thing or surgery she is going to do as well.  I do not mind if she does that but again....this is for me and I need to keep my focus on that not on other people 's journeys.  Once I know that I can do this and I can focus on me..I will tell her.  She may kill me but it will probably be after the surgery.

I will report back to the cyber world what the results are sometime tomorrow.

Speaking to the empty space of this blog....

So I know no one is reading this but I have to tell someone so here goes...On Monday Feb 20th - I am scheduled to see the doctor in Grove OK about the Lapband. He is having a special on pricing and I hope that I qualify since I am a self pay.  I am a nervous wreak and its all I think about. What if I go in and he tells me I am to large for the higher price??  I can't afford it if its much more then 10,000 and I am now so looking forward to the changes that I can barely contain myself.

Not an hour goes by where I do not think about the possibilities of being skinny.  The last time I was in the 100's I was like in 5th grade.  I have been big every since I was child.  Recently I found out it was because I was  was depressed.

In November of 2010 - Veterans day - my husband - Stephen - and I spent my entire day off fighting like cats and dogs. Back then we did not fight like gripe gripe and then done.  It was full on scream fest with both of us threatening divorce.  Finally I stopped and saw myself and could not figure out who I was.  Why was I acting like this?  He really is not this bad of a person - why am I so hostile and then it hit me.  I have that terrible disease that I have long since thought passed me even though every other woman in my family had it.  I had DEPRESSION! 

Not a week later, I went to the doctor and we got me on some great meds. I started seeing results in about a week.  I have been on the meds for 3 months now and our life is so different. We do not fight - we enjoy each others company, he is helping around the house AND I see it, and believe it or not somehow it has impacted the way we spend money and we are saving money much more then ever before. 

I had thought about weight loss surgery for years but rarely gave it much thought because I was so attached to food.  It was what comforted me when everything else let me down....why would I give up the ability to eat as I pleased and what I wanted??  After the meds kicked in - I started noticing a clear change in my mentality toward food.  I did not have to have it.  I ate when I was hungry.  I ate chocolate like once a few weeks instead of daily.  I do still have a love for Dr. Pepper though. 

I mentioned it in passing to Stephen that maybe one day I could get the lap band but I left it at that.  He spent one night after I went to bed researching it and then found this great deal by a surgeon about an hour away.  Then to my amazement we got approved for financing for 77% of the surgery.  '

So here I am....two days from the day of truth...the day I learn if all this excitement and dreaming was worth it.  The day I find out if I will be spending the amount of money some people spend on used vehicles to get a few incisions and a band around my stomach.  Will I be spending thousands of dollars to be on a liquid diet for two weeks....for the start of weight loss that will continue with thousands more on plastic surgery for loose skin - for a surgery that will put me at a weight that I have not seen since I was a small child!!

There are cons..I am not going to lie and my husband and I are prepared to accept them....one big one is that if I loose all this weight, I do not expect to want to have another child for quite a few years.  I am quite content with my wonderful daughter but Stephen really wants a boy.  With the money we are spending, we could pay off my car - renovate our master bathroom - pay 1/7 of our house off....but instead we are going to spend it on me....I kinda feel bad..then I go look at the thousands of success stories and before and after pics and remind myself that there is a very large possibility that by my five year anniversary with my husband March 22, 2013 - I may be able to buy a dress for our date that is strapless and in the normal section instead of the plus size.  I have NEVER bought clothes that were not in the plus size section (and all those big girls out there know just like I do that those close are always so much prettier then the ones they make for us)!!

Pondering the world of Lapandia!

Hello World.  My name is Victoria.  I am 26 years old and like many people in my situation I am overweight and have been for pretty much my entire life.  I have started this blog because I am pondering the world of lapandia and I need to get my thoughts out to people that know what I am going through.

Current Stats:

Weight: 333 lbs
Height: 5'3"
I will be self pay!
I have researched everything known to man..just need real peoples experiences now.

I have a consultation on Feb 20th.